DATE: 10 Feb 2008, 7:01 am / MOOD: Dont know

When the dark flood came
we wrapped ourselves inside a dirty blanket
citing different opinions
on whether we should move
when the houses came
they ate up everyone like they were fishes
saying, "come on, come on,
it's the end of the world!"
and then I saw your face
you're turning skin into a dirty secret
I watched the beauties, watched the fire
and the fire burn the beauty in their eyes
when I took the blame
we layed in ruins trying to quote your phrase
we're yelling, "someone's got the answers,
but I'd rather think there's nothing to be found"

if you knew I was dying would it change you?

So when you see me falling backwards down the wall
that says "I'm still alive"
don't be cautious when I'm cautiously
approaching on the other side
everybody has their reasons,
that's the reason we're all going to die

because if seeing is believing,
then believe that we have lost our eyes

when I fly solo, I fly so high
don't touch me now.

We all deserve something 

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DATE: 07 Feb 2008, 1:28 am / MOOD: Eager to ride

Through the hollow heart of sorrow
a vicious sap will seep
Minutes, months, and years, we count
Time is what we reap
Like magic, we plant gardens
that are blooming full of greed
We’re just God’s experiments
You play Adam, I’ll be Eve

 

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DATE: 18 Jan 2008, 10:05 pm / MOOD: Stressed

Get over yourself. You're not that complicated.

You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.  And it really is true!! No matter how you look at it. 


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DATE: 17 Jan 2008, 2:29 pm / MOOD: Dont know

it's difficult to identify which of your feelings are real and which ones you've just made up and kind of subconsciously forced yourself to believe to be true.

then what?

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DATE: 14 Jan 2008, 9:54 pm / MOOD: Anxious

 

Today while lounging on the couch flipping through channels on the television, I stopped to watch a movie called "Prime". I immediately got lost in this movie, which is about a woman in her 30's, named Rafi, who meet and falls in love with a man named David, who is only 23. It turns out Rafi's therapist happens to be David's mother, who isn't very happy about the relationship between the couple. After some confusion and slight conflict, Rafi and David get through the rough patch and everything is okay… temporarily. David tries to explain to his mother that he loves Rafi and wants his family to accept her, because he would like to pursue a future with her. His mother simply tells him he shouldn't get too caught up in planning a future with her just because he loves her, because "love isn't always enough."

Now this wasn't the first time that I've heard this phrase, but it was the first time that I actually thought about its meaning and disagreed after reviewing my thoughts.

I said the words out loud.

"Love isn't always enough."

To me, meaning even if two people in fact do love one another, it's not always enough to keep them together.
To me, meaning love isn't always strong enough to continue to get through the little issues between the couple. (key word: little)
To me, meaning people often love others, but they put themselves before anyone else.
I'm not saying this is a bad idea, because it does in fact protect you from further pain, but we are so used to subconsciously placing our needs and beliefs before anyone else's, and usually refuse to change any of this, even for the one we love. It isn't easy to notice these habits, but it's really not extremely difficult to change them either.
It's so easy for us to fall in love and tell the person that we love them, we always will, we'd do anything for them, and that we'd never leave them no matter what. It's so easy for us to WANT to believe that true love may always last. It's so easy for us to throw these repeated phrases back and forth to one another, but when an issue really occurs, we don't act on our words. We do not prove them to be true. In some cases, this may be acceptable to go against what we've said or promised. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they should always have a power over your decisions or actions, but, like in any case, you have a decision to make. Whether or not (for the well-being of your loved one and the overall well-being of your relationship and keeping it happy and healthy) your decisions satisfy YOU or your LOVED ONE, you should know the difference between what feels right and what feels wrong. It isn't always easy. Sure, in any relationship there will always be ups and downs, but it's the downs that make the ups feel so good. The downs are just little bumps in the road that really aren't too difficult to get over, especially if you find a middle ground and work together. When this can happen, it's much easier to get past the small issues.

I'm not saying this follows for every relationship. Of course there are going to be liars and cheaters… the difference here, and the point I'm trying to make, is including only the idea of REAL love. Keep this in mind! Because in my mind, and I'm sure many others agree, true love doesn't include anything involving lies or cheating, stealing or abusing.

To continue, a real relationship and a real love shared between two people can only last when both people are willing to equally give themselves completely to the other and trust one another to give their full efforts in getting through the tough times together, to be there for one another at any time needed. It wont always be easy, that is a given, but it also wont be as difficult either, if a certain pattern is followed, or at least attempted.

So, in regards to the quote from the movie, I think I may have to disagree. Love can easily be enough. It just depends on the decisions and efforts of the two people in the relationship. If the two truly and completely want the relationship to last, they will do whatever it takes to make sure it happens. Sometimes you must make sacrifices to gain the best things in life. The sacrifices may seem unfair at times, but everything will work out if you continue to love, and continue to follow your words.
The saddest thing in life is love being lost over selfishness... not to mention, anyone who believes that "love isn't always enough."
That sounds pretty selfish to me, and I hope I never believe that statement to be true. 

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DATE: 01 Jan 2008, 7:20 am / MOOD: Content

So I think I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that no one will ever really understand me. And I'm totally okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to come off as melodramatic or "emo" as you may... but seriously.

You know why no one will ever be able to fully understand anyone else? It's because we will never be able to fully understand even ourselves. So what's the point in putting so much faith and trust and hope in any other person, when you don't even have those feelings towards yourself in the first place? That's how you fuck shit up. That's how you get stuck.

I've noticed that only in solitude can you find confusion and peace all at the same time. 

Everyone has their problems. That's a given. I've had to deal with my fair share of shit in the past, and I've made more than enough mistakes along the way. I guess it's a trade-off, but I'm still not sure if I think it's a fair trade or not. But then again, it doesn't really matter anyway.

It's fine to build emotional walls. It keeps you safe. But when those walls continue to grow and grow and grow, sometimes it's too late before you realize that no one will ever be able to come in, and you'll never be able to get out.

That's exactly where I am. And that's where I'll be.

If you share this position, I suggest you EMBRACE it.

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