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Subject: How to install a home security system in the south
Content: 1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 16 work
boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns &Ammo
magazine and your NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba,
Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning
and they messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyways, I locked all four of 'em in
the house. Better wait outside. We'll be right back.